I’ve touched on the concept of humiliation before in my blog and why I don’t use/encourage it but someone contacted me today and raised a really interesting point about humiliation and a perspective I’d never considered so I want to share it (and my thoughts) with you. It does get a little personal and may be triggering as there is talk of emotional abuse so please be aware of that before you continue reading.
The main idea was that yes, humiliation in BDSM focuses on the “traditional” forms of humiliation – put downs/asking the sub to complete humiliating tasks, etc, but that there is another more insidious form: the humiliation of being “found out” by people who aren’t aware of your kink and who don’t approve.
The idea that kinksters are aware of at least the possibility of humiliation – that its risk is a natural consequence of engaging in activities in which society “as a whole” does not particularly understand or approve. The potential shame of being mocked or humiliated or ostracized for your indulgences.
I’d never really considered this aspect so it took me by surprise. I had to think to myself – honestly – would I be ashamed if people found out? I sort of half expected the answer to be yes due to years of social conditioning, but in all honestly whilst I think I would potentially have to deal with some negative impacts/feelings (depending on who found out – most of my “circle” (friends/family) knows, but some don’t) but I don’t believe that shame/humiliation would be among them. Annoyance, frustration, potentially anger at the fall-out (some people may cut me out of their lives, some may throw insults at me) but not shame.
That kind of intrigued me until I realized the rather depressing reason behind why I think, for me, humiliation doesn’t come into it. Growing up I endured a lot of emotional abuse at the hands of my parents – especially my mother. I don’t want or expect pity for this. It happened, I’ve dealt/am dealing with it. I only mention it here as context for the larger point I am trying to make about perspectives on humiliation and why I never use humiliation.
Growing up humiliation was the norm for me – it was my comfort zone because it reinforced my beliefs about myself which were fed to me by my folks. Receiving a compliment was at best uncomfortable and at worst almost painful because it jarred with what I “knew” to be “true” about myself. I thought people were mocking me, or were working an “angle” because they wanted something from me. It’s a very unpleasant and fucked up head-space and I suspect a lot of desire for humiliation stems from abuse because the abuser has trained the sub to believe that they deserve to be humiliated – that it is their “norm” – and it becomes, in a sick and twisted way, their “comfort zone”. Being humiliated reinforces their beliefs about themselves rather than challenging them with compliments which ironically become uncomfortable.
It’s taken me many years but I am in a much better head-space – I’ve more or less made peace with myself and accepted how fucked up the emotional abuse from my parents was (they still do it, but I’m now largely immune). It took a lot of time, a lot of effort and a lot of pain if I’m honest, to get to a more positive, self-accepting place. I still suffer from depression and anxiety but I’m also much more confident in myself and enjoy accepting genuine compliments (unless they’re about my feet. I’m not a fan of my feet which is why you never see them. Haha).
Building my self worth took a lot. Changing my inner monologue from “you’re worthless” to “you’re amazing” took a lot. I’m not arrogant and I recognize I’m not perfect but I like to celebrate my positives. I encourage my boys to do the same. It’s why I *never* use humiliation. I know that dark place. I understand the twisted “pleasure” and how poisonous it is. I will never, ever inflict that on one of my boys. I see my role as a Domme as being one of encouragement and support – in lifting them and encouraging them to be the best version of themselves they can be. I want to build their confidence and self-esteem rather than tearing it down. I don’t need to humiliate my boys to be in control and I don’t want to.
I also believe this is why I am not humiliated at the prospect of being “found out”. I am not ashamed of what I do and why should I be? Someone may not agree with my lifestyle but that does not mean I don’t have every reason to be proud of what I do. I am a purveyor of hypnotic pleasure. I transform fantasies into reality. Go ahead – tell me that is not an absolutely insanely amazing thing to be able to do!
Thoughts and comments are always appreciated – please feel free to share below.
This may seem like a rather dry/boring topic to cover but it is a very important one. It’s very easy, especially if you’re new to the scene, to get caught up in the flurry of excitement and pleasure and lose track of how much you’re spending. You risk overspending/spending beyond your means and losing control of the experience which is really not something that you want.
I want to offer you some advice, support and suggestions to help you really make the most of your hypnosis experience so that it can be an enjoyable and sustainable pleasure in your life. Please note that I am not a qualified financial adviser. I am not offering formal advice – simply friendly suggestions.
If you already have a hypnotist in mind to work with, then you should know their pricing for the various services they offer (mp3s, videos, customs, phone sessions, skype sessions and/or in-person sessions depending on the hypnotist). If you don’t already have a hypnotist in mind then I would recommend starting by reading my blog post “How to select a suitable hypnotist” first, then returning to this blog post as a follow up.
Step 1: Set your budget
So – let’s say you have a hypnotist you enjoy and want to support. First step – what is your budget? This can either be a hard and fast limit, or relatively flexible. Though if you add in “flex”, also add a firm cap. Say your budget is 300 per month maximum for hypnosis (I’m plucking a random figure out of the air), but you feel you can “stretch” that, place an absolute cap – so 350. Unless you are incredibly disciplined, don’t assume you can “borrow” from your budget month to month…so you spend 400 one month and assume you can rein yourself in and spend 200 the next month to balance things out. That’s a dangerous path to go down and not one i would recommend.
It’s important that you are realistic with your budget and only budget what you can legitimately afford for what is ultimately an “entertainment” expense.
Step 2: Formalise your “wish list”
what works for you and what do you want? Do mp3’s work for you? Is that all you’re after? Or would you like a live session to help you improve your ability to trance? Do you want/need one session (or a handful) to achieve what you have in mind, or would you like to make live sessions a regular thing? You can always speak with your hypnotist/hypnoDomme to get their input and suggestions, but at the end of the day you’re compiling your wishlist.
Also factor in whether you expect to send tributes and if so, how much and how often. You may not be sure at this stage so it’s perfectly okay to take an educated guess. Your wish list is a work in progress and is flexible. At this stage we are looking to get a better idea of what you want so we can see if we can make it tally with your budget, which is the next step.
Step 3: Bringing together your wishlist and budget
Alright…so, first thing to do is tally up how much your “ideal” month costs. So could be purchase of three recordings, two one hour live sessions and a 150 tribute. Recordings will vary, so you can average them out…for the sake of this example let’s say the average 20 each. Live sessions cost 150 each. We decided earlier that our budget was 300 a month so already it’s obvious that we are way over.
That’s okay – it’s given us a starting point to work from. So we could drop to one, one hour live session and adjust the tribute and lower it to bring us in budget…or two live sessions and no recordings or tributes. There’s no right or wrong way to work this, and the formula may change month to month as well…it’s simply intended as a flexible way to help you maintain your budget.
Why is it so important to have a budget?
Basically because when you’re caught up in something new, fun and insanely pleasurable it’s very easy to get carried away. If you blow your budget in the first month, it may spook you and put you off hypnosis and if it doesn’t and you keep on spending without budgeting you risk overspending in the longer-term which will have its own negative consequences which we obviously want to avoid.
Budgets don’t have to be rigid – you know yourself and if you’re honest with yourself you’ll be able to calculate how much leeway is reasonable. But having the assurance of a budget that you stick to will be a weight off your mind as you don’t have to worry about the financial implications – you can relax and enjoy your trance experience without being distracted and that is priceless.
The longer I’ve been involved in the hypno-kink scene (hypnoDomme, erotic hypnosis, etc) the more painfully aware I become of how some guys seem to become so absorbed in their own kink and desires that they forget that the person they’re dealing with is a living, breathing human being and not simply some ethereal extension of their fantasies and desires.
I appreciate that it can get easy to get carried away as you indulge your mind and body and embrace the pleasures of what can be a truly transformative experience, but I also feel that it is appropriate not to lose sight of the fact that the person you’re interacting with is just that – a person. We may be excellent at what we do (I know I am, and I am proud of that fact – it’s the result of years of effort and practice on my part), but just because this is a transactional experience and you are paying for our time and expertise, it in no way entitles you to behave in a rude or impolite manner.
Just to clarify – not all clients are rude. Many of my clients are absolutely wonderful and I appreciate the mutual respect that exists. Some, however, believe that as they are paying for a service that means they are entitled to treat the person delivering the service in any way they want – rules and manners go out the window and are replaced with selfishness and poor conduct. Demands are made with no thought to appropriate conduct or respect. The “I’m paying you so I can say/treat you how I want” mentality takes over.
Let’s get one thing straight – such behavior is rude, inappropriate and will not be tolerated. If you try to behave that way with me I will decline to work with you. I absolutely love hypnosis and I love what I do. I actively encourage people to communicate their desires with me – but mutual respect is paramount. Yes, I am a hypnotist but I am also a human being. I have independent thoughts and feelings. I do what I do because I love it, but I also do it on my terms.
Those of you who know me already know that I go out of my way to be friendly and approachable. I do what I can to “give back” to the hypno community and I am happy to answer hypnosis related questions. Trance is an amazing experience and I want as many people as possible to be able to enjoy it – it’s one reason why I ensure my rates for Skype sessions are so reasonable. Yes, I could charge a lot more but I want to remain accessible.
I go out of my way to make trance a positive experience for people but the amount of disrespect I (and other hypnotists) receive on a daily basis is depressing. The all too common assumption that we somehow exist solely for your entertainment, or that if we love what we do then why don’t we do it for free? Making excessive demands of our time without paying for it (as I said before, I am happy to help but there are limits – please be mindful and respectful of my time and its value. Happy to answer the odd question but multiple queries which require time to respond to is not okay – that is time I could be spending earning money. We all have bills to pay, after all).
It doesn’t take much to show basic respect and decency. To show appreciation for your hypnotist and their work. Yes, we may love what we do (I know I do), but unless I win the lottery I simply cannot afford to offer my services for free and really do not appreciate people trying to take advantage of my good nature. I am sure other hypnotists feel the same way. I am a hypnotist but I am also a person. An individual. I think, I feel and yes, I get upset when I feel that people are being disrespectful and/or trying to take advantage.
You want to earn respect from someone? Give them respect. Show them you are worthy of their time by being a decent human being. It doesn’t take much. Basic manners go a long way. As a hypnotist I am to give all my clients a first rate experience. As a person I am much more likely to want to invest my time and energy into people who are kind, polite and respectful. You reap what you sow. You want a better connection with your hypnotist? Think about how you can be a better person. What you can do to be better for them and it will come back to you tenfold. Just ask any of my good boys. A good, solid relationship with an exceptional hypnotist can be a positive, transformative experience in your life but it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, consideration and investment. Give and ye shall receive.
It’s been an interesting journey for me, hypnosis. For years it was a hobby until after 2 years of persuasion, a good friend friend encouraged me to go pro. I’ve been doing hypnosis full time for around a year now and it’s been such an incredible experience. The freedom it’s given me – both in terms of creative expression and simply time (I set my own schedule) has been absolutely invaluable.
Whilst my primary focus has always been on the live Skype hypnosis sessions which I absolutely love (and which testimonials suggest are also loved by those who enjoy such sessions with me), I’ve also been building a catalogue of recordings. I wanted to share my top 5 mp3’s right now. My favorites change often depending on my moods, but these 5 recordings (offered in no particular order of preference) are the ones that currently make my little heart happy:
This recording will always hold a special place in my heart as it was the first mp3 I ever made. It’s deliciously dark…a seductive story that leads you on a journey of obedience and surrender…enthralls you with the power of submission. It’s a story that draws you in…nourishes and plays your desire to submit. I take you out for the evening…control you…and build the anticipation.
This is a confusion induction recording. Confusion inductions can be tricky to execute correctly – especially in recordings as you have no way of accurately gauging how the individual who is listening is responding. Still – I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge and I have to say I am really, really pleased with how this recording has turned out. It’s very effective but it’s also not too “hard” as some confusion inductions can be. It’s not intended to overwhelm and confuse in an uncomfortable way. It’s fun and ephemeral and whimsical…inviting you on a surreal journey loosely based on that of Alice in Wonderland. A really fun and unusual recording that I am very proud of.
This was one of my first forays into the more direct dominant style which is typical of hypnoDommes. Generally my style is quieter…more seductive. But this time I wanted to explore my dominant side and let it out to play for a little while. “Surrender & Obey” was the result, and boy have you boys responded to it. It’s a consistently popular file and encouraged me to explore my darker, more directly dominant side more which led to…
This started out as an experiment. I wanted to push the limits of dominance and pleasure whilst still maintaining my boundaries. A direct, intense and dominant file, I’ve made sure there is absolutely no humiliation. That was very important to me. This recording took a long, long time to come together as I was pushing my own boundaries…discovering what was possible and how I could incorporate intense domination into my typically softer style and approach. But this recording, once finished, worked. And boy does it work! It’s probably one of my most popular recordings to date and I love that I get to completely unleash my inner Domme and remind you who is in control…moulding you to become my obedient fucktoy. It’s deep and intense and powerful.
If you know me then you know I love pleasure. I love encouraging people to enjoy and embrace pleasure. To discover new pleasure. To push the limits of pleasure…and that’s exactly what this recording does. Perfectly. You know what an orgasm is – well a mindgasm is the mental equivalent. Flooding your mind with waves of intense, orgasmic pleasure. I love this recording because it’s so pleasure focused and because it is so, so effective.
You can explore these recordings and more by checking out my MP3 and Video shop as well as listening to samples.
If you’ve enjoyed any of the above recordings I would love to hear your thoughts so please share your comments here.
The possibilities when it comes to ways to hypnotise a person are nearly limitless. I know because I have a lot of fun creating new ways to trance people, as well as tailoring existing methods to better suit individuals I am working with. So in this blog I am going to talk specifically about how I hypnotise people. My way isn’t the only way, though. Different people will have different techniques and strategies. I just thought it would be interesting to give you a little insight into how I hypnotise people, especially as I work a lot with analytical people and those who have previously struggled to trance.
If you want to understand hypnosis, however, you need to begin by understanding what it is and how it works. That includes understanding what hypnosis isn’t. There are so many misconceptions associated with hypnosis that it can be difficult to distinguish the reality from the many and varied assumptions floating around.
The most important thing to remember is that the ability to trance is natural and innate. Every time you’ve daydreamed, gotten lost in thought or driven on auto-pilot you’ve enjoyed a light trance state. The role of a hypnotist is to show you how to capitalise on this innate talent you already possess so it can be utilised to your advantage.
Some hypnotists try and pass off hypnosis as magical or mystical – or as a special power only they possess (which is nonsense). The worst will simply sit there and read from a pre-prepared script. In my (humble) opinion, such people are to be avoided. A good hypnotist won’t need a script for a live session. Their techniques should be tailored specifically to you and should be adapted based on what works for you.
The key to successfully trancing someone is to recognise, utilise and build upon their existing natural talents rather than just force your own style/script upon them. I like to use a conversational induction as a base initially as a lot of people who have sessions with me are initially nervous/excited and this gives them an opportunity to chat with me, get to know me, calm their nerves and settle into the experience. It also helps me get to know them and to understand what techniques I can employ from my vast “hypnotic toolbox” to help them enjoy trance. I can also chat to them and dispel many of the common misconceptions surrounding hypnosis – you won’t be asleep or unconscious (if anything you’ll be more self-aware and in control of yourself than usual), for example – and also give them the opportunity to ask me any questions they may have. You don’t have to be relaxed to enjoy trance, but it does help if you’re comfortable.
As I like to tell my clients, trance is actually the easiest thing in the world as you don’t have to actually “do” anything to make it happen. Your subconscious already knows what to do and all you need to do is get out of your own way and allow it to happen. As a hypnotist I see my role as a guide or a teacher, showing you how to capitalise on your natural abilities. I often use the analogy of learning a new skill…say you wanted to teach yourself to play the piano. Sure, you can teach yourself the basics but if you want to see real improvements you bring in someone to teach you. You’re still the one playing, but with appropriate guidance how you play improves.
I am there to guide and reassure. You can trance with your eyes open or your eyes closed. This is your experience. It’s unique to you. There’s no right or wrong way to “do” trance. It’s also not a binary state. So many people are focused on the idea of being in trance and achieving that state that they often miss out on the pleasure of actually going into trance and how good that feels. As I am an avid fan of pleasure in all its forms I regularly encourage people to allow themselves to be aware of and embrace the pleasurable sensations of actually going into trance. Being open to that experience helps guide you easily into deeper trance states so it’s a win-win.
Every person has their own trance journey that is unique to them. They also have unique “tells” or markers that occur at different stages. Most competent hypnotists will be aware of these and utilise them to help guide their client into trance/deeper trance. I take this one step further by actively pointing out what I notice to the person I’m working with (something most hypnotists don’t do, I presume as they like to maintain the mystical/magical aspect of trance and/or feel that withholding this information gives them more control? Who knows?). I refer to this as signposting the trance experience. The markers differ for each person – they’re like a unique fingerprint. Some people’s breathing deepens and slows…some people blink more and/or their eyes close, etc, etc. Sometimes people are aware that this is happening, sometimes not, but by bringing it to their attention they will be able to recognise their own unique markers which can act as “touch points”, reassuring them of the stage they’re at what what to expect when they trance again in the future.
Some signals are obvious, some are incredibly subtle but years of experience have taught me how to identify and work with my client’s natural abilities. I’ve developed a confidence borne of experience which definitely helps – as does the fact that I am comfortable switching things up and adapting to my clients needs. All I require is honesty. If a particular technique isn’t working I have many, many others I can use to achieve the desired effects.
So – how do I hypnotise someone? I identify and utilise their natural abilities and show them how to capitalise on their innate talents. I do this by talking them through what they can expect whilst not prescribing the experience. I don’t simply read from a script or expect them to automatically respond to specific inductions. It’s about being open and flexible….having the experience to be able to not only identify what techniques will be most useful in helping a person achieve trance, but also the skill set to be able to put those techniques into practice.
The result? Hundreds of happy and satisfied clients, including some who had been trying to trance for many, many years (my record is 20+ years). I don’t believe there is such a thing as someone who is “bad” at trancing, but I do believe in hypnotists who fail to appreciate the limitations of their skills and experience and prefer to place the blame (wrongly) on their subject. Never let a hypnotist try and tell you that you are a bad subject or difficult to trance. That statement says everything about them and nothing about you or your capabilities.
A good hypnotist will be able to work with you and tailor a session specifically to your needs. You should be able to trust the hypnotist, their motivation and their expertise and will be rewarded with a truly incredible experience.
If you’d like to know more about the experiences of some of my clients, then check out my testimonials page.
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