by queenofdreams | Aug 4, 2017 | Hypnosis, Personal
I do worry sometimes that humanity and reason are too easily cast aside when certain people indulge in fantasy. I mean, there’s nothing inherently wrong with enjoying a fantasy – quite the opposite – but sometimes it does come at the expensive of the object of that fantasy. My reasoning is based on the D/s dynamic, but also hypnosis as a fetish. As a hypnoDomme I have lost count of the number of times over the years I have endured people being rude, trying to manipulate me, top from the bottom (pretend to be submissive whilst simultaneously attempting to dominate/control interactions). For what it’s worth, I don’t think the majority of those encounters were deliberately malicious. I think that some people get so lost in their fantasy that they forget that they’re dealing with a real, living breathing person. Especially over the internet where people do have a tendency to become “keyboard warriors” when hidden behind the safety of a computer screen, which additionally acts as a further barrier to “reality”.
Except….for every ignorant moron who does behave inappropriately (luckily they’re relatively uncommon – I’ve just been doing hypnosis for a long time!) there are many, many more who remain polite, respectful and are an absolute joy to interact with. They’re polite and respectful but also take great pleasure in engaging with hypnosis, so there’s a shared passion to be explored and enjoyed and when this is done in an environment which fosters mutual respect and communication it can be a really beautiful thing.
I think that both the hypnotist and the subject will enjoy the experience more if they acknowledge each other’s humanity – there is a perception among some that hypnoDomme’s are somehow “other” – they sit aside/above subjects and demand to be worshipped. Some Dommes may actively encourage such behaviour and if they explicitly request this then great – the ground rules for engaging them have been made clear, but please, please, please don’t automatically assume all hypnotists are the same! We’re people, we’re human and we have our own interests, wants and needs. The best way for you to discover if a hypnotist matches up with what you’re looking for is to ask, rather than simply assume. Any hypnotist worth their salt will be happy to answer any questions you have, and once you’ve asked your questions you’re in a much better position to make an informed decision about whether a hypnotist/hypnoDomme is right for you. If you don’t ask and simply assume then you run the risk of upsetting them and/or incurring their wrath, which you really don’t want to do ;).
I say this as someone who straddles the hypnotist/hypnoDomme divide. Yes, some of my work has Domme elements, but at the end of the day it’s not how I identify myself. If you ask me, I’ll say I am a hypnotist who loves sharing pleasure in all its forms, and who enjoys experimenting. My experimenting happens to cover erotic and recreational hypnosis, so some of it does fall under the “hypnoDomme” remit, but at the same time I am not a lifestyle hypnoDomme. You wouldn’t know all this about me unless you asked (or, as in this case I chose to share), so it is worth doing your research. Also – and I like to think other hypnotists would agree with me here – respect and manners cost nothing, but they go a long way to showing us that you value and respect us for us, not because we’re the embodiment of some selfish little fantasy you have. That respect is worth a lot.
This is a bit of a random blog, even for me, but as it is an issue which crops up more than I’d like (not a lot, but still too much) I just wanted to share a gentle reminder that whilst, yes, I am f*cking awesome as a hypnotist (modesty out the window there for a second!), I am also a human being who appreciates manners and respect. You’ll also find that you can engage with myself and likely others on a deeper level because you’ve chosen to behave this way, so it’s a win-win.
Anyhow…hope you enjoy my somewhat meandering musings and I would love to hear your thoughts 🙂
by queenofdreams | Jun 23, 2017 | Hypnosis
Hey guys…
So – this audio (below) was meant to be on the product page for my new file, Oblivion, but unfortunately technical difficulties have meant that isn’t possible right now.
The below is a short explanation which goes into a little more detail about this recording and why I am so excited about it. I would love to hear your feedback!
by queenofdreams | May 11, 2017 | Uncategorized
Hey guys (and gals)
So – I’ve had an idea which I am rather excited about but want to run past you all for feedback. I’m thinking of doing some podcasts (sort of audio blog posts) but would like to know what you guys would like covered in terms of topics. Do you want me to talk about my recordings – give a greater insight into the inspiration behind some of them; some historical hypnotic experiences – what would you like to hear about? I’d also considered answering submitted questions relating to hypnosis so that is another possibility. It would mean a lot to me if you could share your thoughts and ideas – either by commenting on this blog or emailing me at info@queenofdreamshypnosis.com
In other good news I have some new recordings which I am in the process of editing and which should be available for you to enjoy soon.
by queenofdreams | May 7, 2017 | Uncategorized
Okay guys – I know I’ve been pretty quiet these last few weeks and I’m sorry. I got called upon last minute to dog/house sit for my folks for a few weeks whilst they jetted off on holiday.
I assumed (wrongly as it turns out) that it wouldn’t be a massive impediment, but of course things never turn out the way you expect! Turns out my folks have done zero training with the dogs, so I was getting woken up every few hours in the night, dealing with dogs barking every time someone walked by the house and goodness knows what else. None of this was conducive to either maintaining my sanity or enjoying skype sessions/recording.
Sooo…I’ve pretty much been on hiatus for the last few weeks, spending my time trying to hold on to what is left of my sanity with minimal sleep. It’s not been fun but the good news is I will be home by Monday 8th May, and so after taking a few days to catch up on sleep I should be good to go! I’ve got some new recordings I’m hoping to release soon and also some new ideas I want to run by you guys which I will share in my next blog post.
Want to finish up by saying a big thank you to all my boys for checking in on me during the last few weeks and for your ongoing support. It means the world to me. x
Jess
by queenofdreams | Mar 22, 2017 | Uncategorized
Okay…this is going to be an interesting one for me to write as I myself do not identify as submissive. But, I already wrote a blog post entitled “What does it mean to be Dominant?” so I felt it was only fair to attempt to address the balance. In view of my non-submissive nature I suspect this blog is going to end up being more of a “what are my expectations of someone who approaches me as a submissive”, but we’ll see. (I don’t pre-write my blog posts – much like writing my scripts I simply let the words flow and see where I end up.
The main problem I have in trying to pin-point what it means to be submissive is that submissiveness covers such a wide range of potential attitudes and behaviors. Googling a dictionary definition for submission tells me that submission is defined as someone who is “ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive”. That’s a good start, but off the top of my head I can think of so many different…categories I guess?….of submission:
- Role-play: People who enjoy role-playing submission but are not actually submissive.
- Sexually submissive: enjoy being submissive in the bedroom but not necessarily outside of it.
- Selfish submissives: those who think they are submissive but want to be so on their own terms and attempt to dictate what they want.
- Submit but not serve: typically alpha guys (in my experience) who are looking for a temporary escape from being in control and always wanting to make decisions.
- Lifestyle submissives: people who identify as being submissive as a lifestyle choice. Have a desire to obey and serve.
Now, as I am not really “in” the BDSM scene there may well be other variations I’ve missed out. If so, forgive me.
In my own experience in the world of hypnoDommes and Erotic Hypnosis I have come across all sorts of individuals. I admit I always slightly raise an eyebrow if someone I barely know tells me they want to submit to me/be my slave (if only because I don’t have slaves and if you knew me well enough to offer genuine submission you’d know that. But I digress…). Mentally I always file such individuals as role-players or selfish. That’s not to say my position won’t change – it may transpire they’re new to the scene and figuring everything out, for example – but first impressions do count for a lot.
To my mind making the decision to consciously submit to someone else and hand over control is a big deal. It is a decision that should be borne of mutual understanding and trust, and it is imperative that the Dominant party understands and appreciates the responsibility they are taking on in accepting the gift of submission.
If you genuinely identify as submissive then you possess an innate desire to serve and please, but it is important that you do not allow others to take advantage of your desires. To my mind a healthy balance (to a degree) should also be maintained which is why I do not encourage my boys to obey without question (unless it’s a post-hypnotic trigger…in that case they really don’t have any choice in the matter). I encourage dialogue, and I encourage development and expression of their own thoughts and opinions. Being submissive does not and should not mean that you are not allowed to hold/express your own opinions. Yes, the Dominant party may make the majority of the decisions and may have the final say, but the submissive’s perspective and opinion should always be taken into account. Expressing an opinion does not make you any less submissive. Quite the opposite – it shows a willingness to engage in the relationship (as long as it is done respectfully and constructively).
I know that some Domme’s prefer to take as much control as possible; make as many decisions as possible and generally maximise any potential for control. Some subs also enjoy and appreciate this. But there is a whole range of possibilities. I am more laid back and quietly assertive but my boys do not question that I am the Dominant in the relationship. I encourage them to express themselves and be the best possible version of themselves that they can be as their behavior not only reflects back on me as their Domme, but as their Domme I also have a responsibility to them – to take care of them. It’s a responsibility I take very seriously. I also personally do not want a slave who always does everything I ask. I want my boys to feel confident to challenge me when appropriate – they may be right, they may not but I like knowing that they feel confident enough in our dynamic to do so. I want my submissive boys to feel empowered by their submission, not a slave to it. I know that if I ask or command my boys to do something they will do so because they genuinely enjoy serving me and they know I would never take advantage. Other Dommes prefer a more “traditional” submissive who is very openly submissive in their attitude. There is no right or wrong. I am sure that my attitude horrifies some of a more traditional subbie nature, but those traits are the same that my boys – that have chosen me and I have accepted – happen to find my attitude syncs well with their desires and expectations and when you get that mesh of ideals – that’s when the magic happens!
