by queenofdreams | Mar 11, 2017 | Personal
Okay…so this has been on my mind for a while. How do you define being Dominant (or submissive for that matter, but that’s for another post!)?
I appreciate that it’s a rather delicate and subjective topic, but I’ve never been one to shy away from exploring ideas. Of course, any views I give her will by their very nature be my own personal opinion (and feel free to substitute Dom for Domme if it makes more sense to you), but comments are always welcomed and appreciated so if you have any thoughts please feel free to share them in the comments section.
This blog post is a little difficult for me to write as I don’t really self-identify as a Domme – certainly not a lifestyle Domme. I identify as someone who specialises in erotic hypnosis, but who most of the time is a pretty chilled back, affable lady who doesn’t feel the need to assert herself in every situation. Unless I am specifically in the mood, consciously and deliberately asserting control doesn’t appeal. That concept of control, however, is, to my mind fundamental but at the same time concerning…let me try and explain:
A quick google of the dictionary definition of “domination” comes back with someone who “has power and influence over others”, but I think in the “scene”, as it were, it’s morphed into more than that and the concept of “Domme” has its own identity but there’s a lot of room for variation. A humiliatrix, for example would also identify as a Domme (most likely), but one can identify as a Domme without resorting to humiliation. The core concept at the centre of this definition is that of control – the assumption being that the Dominant party has the control.
Think about this for a moment, though. I think there’s a disparity between the fantasy and the reality of the situation – not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but it’s worth bearing in mind. If we assume that control is central to the D/s dynamic then I would argue that it is the submissive that essentially has the ultimate control as they always retain the absolute right to say no/decline what is asked of them. I’m not saying they’d necessarily act on this (especially in the hands of an experienced Domme who they trust) but fundamentally, at a basic level they are in possession of that control.
So if a Domme is not in full control of a situation then what sets her apart as a Domme? Again, this is my subjective view but I would suggest that it is self-awareness, confidence and an awareness of responsibility. I’d always recommend staying away from people who are loud/bossy/obnoxious – in my experience the more that someone tries to continually tell you they’re “in control” the less they actually are (often of themselves, let alone the situation). You want to look out for the quieter, self-assured ones. The ones who don’t have to tell you that they’re in control of their own situation because they make it clear by their actions rather than their words. No one can always 100% control themselves or their situation, but the quiet, self assured confidence that the more experienced Dommes bask in is more often than not the “real deal”. It’s not so much about exerting control as it is about gaining trust and respect. If you trust and respect someone and you’re naturally of a submissive nature then you’re more likely to do what they ask of you. A good Domme (to my mind) will know that they are worthy of respect, but will also be aware they they have a responsibility towards those that serve them.
As a Domme you are responsible for your submissive’s physical and emotional well-being. You need to take responsibility for when and how far you can push their boundaries without breaking them. You need to be there to support them and you always need to respect them and their right to say no at any time. It is (and should be) a big deal and a big commitment. It should be a pleasurable experience for both parties, but the Domme also has to account for a lot of additional responsibilities that the submissive doesn’t and a good Domme will take this into account. They won’t be selfish or continually demanding. They won’t make it always about them. Elements of the aforementioned may be incorporated, depending on the dynamics of the relationship (just like incorporation of physical pain through whipping, etc, may contribute to the sub’s well-being) – that’s an issue between two consenting adults. My point is that there is a balance that needs to be found to ensure that both parties are getting what they need out of the relationship and that neither is being taken advantage of – and that balance can be tricky to accomplish.
A lot of Pro Domme’s to my mind offer the illusion of control – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, I want to make that explicitly clear – but there are deeper and more fundamental dynamics around respect and trust which I feel are often overlooked in favor of the concept of “control” and what I wanted to do with this blog was just to work out some thoughts that have been rumbling around my head for a while. As I am not in the D/s scene (one can be an erotic hypnotist without being a Domme) I fully admit I may have missed out some things/misunderstood others. I’m not averse to amending my opinions if I discover I’m wrong. I’d love to hear your thoughts so please feel free to leave a comment below!
by queenofdreams | Feb 18, 2017 | Uncategorized
There seems to be (for some reason I have yet to fathom) an enduring assumption that analytical people are somehow “difficult” to trance. I have spoken to so many people who say to me “oh, I’m analytical – I can’t be hypnotised”. Usually it has because they have tried and failed or, even worse, some short-sighted hypnotist has told them (mistakenly) that they’re difficult to trance because they’re analytical.
Can I just begin by saying that that is complete and utter nonsense – if someone tries to tell you that you will be bad at trancing or will struggle to trance, ignore them. They’re talking rubbish and it is a reflection of their own inability to perceive your natural talent for trancing rather than any shortcoming on your part.
Analytically minded people make amazing subjects! They make absolutely amazing subjects and trance quicker and deeper than just about any other type of subject. How do I know this? 6+ years of experience as a hypnotist working with so called “difficult” people who previously struggled to trance. Seriously – if you are analytical, you are a fantastic subject and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
“But” I hear you say (especially if you’re analytical), “I have tried and have struggled with hypnosis, so you can’t be correct”. My response to such as statement would be along the lines of saying that there are many, many different kinds of inductions which can be used and when dealing with analytical people, a lot of hypnotists seem to assume that you have to either suppress or bypass the analytical part of the subject to induce successful trance. Me? I take the opposite stance. I actively encourage people to fully employ their analytical skills to explore the transition into trance.
Analytical people are naturally excellent at focusing and, well…analysing. Both of these are absolutely fantastic attributes if you’re looking to enjoy trance. Trying to ignore/suppress/bypass these is akin to typing with one hand tied behind your back – yes, you can still do it, but you’re making it unnecessarily hard on yourself. You’re not “doing it wrong” if you’re analysing what’s happening – quite the opposite. You’ll probably find yourself trancing deeper and quicker because you’re not only aware of what’s happening, but you can see that it’s working.
For my part I absolutely love working with analytical people. Once you get the right induction that works for them it’s like a light switch – *boom*, they’re under. It’s brilliant! Or, you get “it’s not going to work….it’s not going to work….holy sh*t, it worked!”. I’m telling you – that exclamation of surprise and excitement never gets old (and I’ve been doing this for years, now).
Please, please, please don’t get discouraged if you have previously tried to trance and struggled. It is in no way a reflection on you and your ability to trance. All it means is that you haven’t found a technique/style that resonates with you yet. There is no induction in the world that works on 100% of people, and whilst it can be nice to “relax” into an induction, it’s not necessary so feel free to let loose and analyse the hell out of it. Odds are, in doing so you’ll drop that much quicker – especially with the right induction.
If you’re just starting out, or have struggled previously I highly recommend a live session with a hypnotist whose style you like and who specialises in working with analytical people (in other words appreciates/celebrates your innate talents and knows how to show you how to effectively capitalise on them). If you can’t commit to a live session, I have an induction available in my MP3 store on my website called “Beyond Progressive Relaxation” which I created especially for analytical minds.
Either way, explore, learn and enjoy and above all know that you are a natural when it comes to trancing and are more than capable of enjoying some truly phenomenal experiences!
by queenofdreams | Feb 10, 2017 | Uncategorized
“Xenagogue” is the title of my latest file. It’s also my first collaboration project and to say I am really excited about it is an understatement!
To date, I have written every single script for every file I’ve recorded, and whilst I have no plans to stop writing, I also like to push my boundaries and explore new possibilities. One such opportunity came with a story a good friend of mine (me-chan) wrote. Me-chan is an excellent writer and I have always admired his work, so I was excited when he shared a new story – Xenagogue – with me.
Reading through the story I couldn’t help but wonder what this amazing story would sound like if I recorded it. It is amazing enough on paper (you can read it here) but would it work as a recording? I experiment a lot – some stuff works, some doesn’t. I am very selective about what I choose to share as I want you to be able to enjoy the absolute best I have to offer. Recording this story would be something totally new to me, but I did it – and boy has it paid off!
I am really, really happy with how this file has turned out. It was a challenge in some respects – for example I always record my files in a single take to maintain as much “authenticity” and continuity of a live session as I can. It’s one of the reasons why my recordings tend to be shorter than average at around 15 minutes. Xenagogue, however, is over 30 minutes long. Recording in a single take for over 30 minutes was no mean feat but I feel it has really paid off.
The story flows beautifully and I’ve been able to put my own stamp on it. It’s not me simply reading a story (beautifully written as it is). It’s an opportunity I take to lead you on a journey – take you exactly when, where and how I want you and demonstrate to you how exquisite obedience can be. After all, what’s not to love about that?
Find out more/purchase the recording
Read The original story by me-chan
by queenofdreams | Feb 1, 2017 | Uncategorized
I think to explain what I want to and how I want to, I need to start from the beginning, as it were.
I’ve had a passing awareness/vague interest in hypnosis for as long as I can remember – I thought it was interesting, but hadn’t paid much attention to how it actually worked. That all changed about seven years ago. I was working adult phone lines to help pay for my graduate degree (flexible hours, pay wasn’t bad and I’m a fairly open minded lady so it seemed like the obvious choice!).
So…I had this one guy on the phone – all was going well and then I noticed he started becoming more quiet and compliant…something was definitely “off”, but it took me a good while to figure out what it was. Needless to say I eventually had my light-bulb moment and figured out that this guy was in trance…and that I must have somehow done it. I remember being simultaneously confused and intrigued so decided to see how far I could take things. Turns out you can make guys orgasm and cum hands free. Who knew? (It was news to me at that point!).
Over the next few weeks I conducted a little experiment when working the phone lies, trying to replicate that initial response – I tried different words, tones of voice, suggestions…all sorts. I shamelessly took advantage of a lot of guys without them necessarily being aware (and introduced them to hands free orgasms in the process so I don’t think any would, in retrospect, complain). Initially I had mixed results, but over time I was able to refine the process and improve my success rate.
This brings me on to why I chose hypnosis – or rather why I chose to stick with it (7 years and counting!). First and foremost I love it – I love the scope and the adaptability…how it can be used to help people successfully overcome serious problems in their life, but at the same time can also be used recreationally either for platonic or erotic pleasure. Seriously – so many possibilities! How can that not be exciting?
I get a buzz each and every time I trance someone…whether it’s watching one of my boys slip into trance for me at a single command, or watching a new client gently succumb to the soft, subtle but devastatingly effective hypnotic power of my voice. It’s so much fun to learn, play and explore – especially when the only limit to what’s possible is your imagination. I get to have fun, to unleash my creativity and to watch my boys/clients enjoy exquisite and profound pleasure. Seriously – what more can a lady ask for?
I went pro about a year ago now (after around 2 years of loving pestering by Romeo of Descent Hypnosis Radio – as an aside, if you haven’t checked his radio station out yet, you really should!), and still pinch myself every time I get the opportunity to indulge in something I love so much and am so passionate about and get paid for it. To me that’s utterly crazy. It has had unintended benefits, though – the money I’ve earned so far has allowed me to indulge in one of my other passions – travel – and for that I am exceptionally grateful.
Every day that I get to continue doing what I love is a blessing. Hypnosis isn’t yet my full time job – I’ve made a conscious decision that because I am pursuing my passion I want to do it on my terms. I am selective about the clients I choose to work with – I want to make sure we both have broadly similar interests (e.g. if you’re into humiliation I am most definitely not the hypnotist for you! If on the other hand you want to enjoy erotic hypnosis to explore new dimensions of pleasure then please, by all means – get in touch!) and that I feel we would be a good “fit”. So far this has meant I have had to politely decline some clients (I make recommendations of other hypnoDommes who I feel may be more appropriate when I can), but the flip side is that the clients who I do engage with have a really great time (as do I, obviously!).
I don’t put on a persona – you get (for better or worse) my real personality. As I don’t see myself as a straight-up Domme (I can and do incorporate elements, but generally more lightly) you won’t find me demanding tributes before being allowed to talk to me (nothing inherently wrong with this – just not my style) or any “heavy-handed” domination. I pride myself on my ethics, but do enjoy pushing boundaries now and again (mine and yours).
That and it always brings a smile to my face when people share feedback/testimonials. Firstly, it’s lovely to hear and secondly if I am given permission to publish them, it helps others discover what I have to offer and allows me to connect with more people (and add to the holiday fund which is an extra bonus!). I would love to eventually be able to dedicate myself to my hypno business full-time and I hope that with your support that I will be able to accomplish this.
I’m not really sure if I chose hypnosis or if it chose me, but either way I am certainly enjoying the path it has set me on. For those of you who’ve already joined me on the journey – thank you! My life is almost certainly better for having you in it. For those of you who don’t know me yet and are just curious, you’re more than welcome to hop on board and see where it leads – I promise you it’s going to be an incredible (and pleasurable!) ride.
by queenofdreams | Jan 22, 2017 | Uncategorized
Hypnosis is a very subjective experience. Because trance is so personal, it’s as unique as each individual’s perception of reality. Yes, we can all agree on some shared aspects – the focus, the pleasure…but the experience itself – that is purely your own. In the same way, my perspective of what it is like to hypnotise someone is subjective and relates purely to my own perceptions and experiences.
I feel that I get an excellent perspective of this subjectivity as a hypnotist. I am always excited to work with people and to encourage them how to effectively utilise this amazing ability which they have to trance. To show them just what they are capable of achieving and experiencing.
My own background has largely revolved around live sessions – either in person or remotely via phone or Skype. I have lost count of the number of people I have hypnotised. Some of those people already had a lot of experience with hypnosis, whilst for others it was a totally new adventure. I’ve worked with skeptics and believers, novices and old hands….with each person I have always learned something new and loved the opportunity to unleash my creativity.
In live sessions, I never use scripts. Instead, I begin my chatting to the person – talking and asking questions to find out what they know about hypnosis and what their expectations are. If there are any gaps and/or misconceptions I can address these and it allows for a certain level of trust and rapport to be built. I get to know how and what you think and you get to know and understand my style, how I work and how I can help you. Discussions are also had on boundaries and what is to be achieved during the session, and I also take the time to answer questions which may arise.
Then comes the fun part…being able to fully unleash my creative passions. I’ve discovered over the years that just about anything can be utilised for an induction so I do like to experiment. Sometimes I will opt for conversational inductions…sometimes confusion inductions…other times a mix and/or myriad of different styles which crescendo together to deliver you to the mindless abandon of trance.
Some people appear to have a natural aptitude for trancing….it doesn’t matter if they’ve never been tranced before in their lives – if you get on their hypnotic wavelength (so to speak) they’ll drop almost instantaneously, even without realising what’ happening. In general, it’s those who are used to trancing who drop more quickly as they know what to expect, but for those with the natural aptitude, as I said, it can be almost instantaneous regardless.
For others, it can take them a little longer to discover their innate talents. To me this is equally enjoyable as I get to be party to the slow, gentle descent whilst finding original ways to help them to learn to recognise how it feels to go into trance…to identify the uniquely personal signals their body shares as they slip deeper. Either way, the end result is always the same….the almost inevitable descent into deep trance.
Personally I enjoy watching the subtle signals which let me know that the descent has begun and is ongoing. They vary from person to person, though there are some common themes: the breathing will become slower and more even, the speech more considered and the body generally becomes more relaxed as the mind becomes calmer and more focused. Beyond that, some people find themselves blinking more as their eyes get heavier…others feel heavy or light.
One interesting side effect I have noted among some men is they can at times achieve an unintentional erection. Many find this confusing as whilst they may not find the trance experience itself arousing, they’re experiencing a physical reaction which is traditionally a result of arousal. This can create some confusion, but in reality I suspect it is simply a result of the body relaxing, your breathing deepening and the resultant oxygenation of the blood leading to dilation in blood vessels results in a physical reaction (erection). Of course this then confuses the mind which can’t work out what the source is, so assumes it must be the fact that hypnosis is arousing. Some men accept this, others remain confused until it’s explained at which point the body usually adjusts, the issue resolves itself and the guy simply drops even deeper into trance.
Personally I love the fact that everyone I work with is different…I get a real kick out of helping people discover and enjoy their first ever trance experience or those who believed for whatever reason (either assumed or had been told by someone) that they would struggle to achieve hypnotic trance (the manic grin, slightly confused and glazed eyes and “oh my god I can’t believe that just happened – it’s amazing!” never gets old). There’s also the way that rapport and trust develops, and how over regular sessions you can learn and achieve more and more. All of these things are so special, and I am so grateful that I am able to share in such uniquely intimate experiences with people.
If you have any comments, questions or feedback please do not hesitate to get in contact. It’s always a pleasure to hear from people who are as passionate about hypnosis as I am.
