Okay…so this has been on my mind for a while. How do you define being Dominant (or submissive for that matter, but that’s for another post!)?
I appreciate that it’s a rather delicate and subjective topic, but I’ve never been one to shy away from exploring ideas. Of course, any views I give her will by their very nature be my own personal opinion (and feel free to substitute Dom for Domme if it makes more sense to you), but comments are always welcomed and appreciated so if you have any thoughts please feel free to share them in the comments section.
This blog post is a little difficult for me to write as I don’t really self-identify as a Domme – certainly not a lifestyle Domme. I identify as someone who specialises in erotic hypnosis, but who most of the time is a pretty chilled back, affable lady who doesn’t feel the need to assert herself in every situation. Unless I am specifically in the mood, consciously and deliberately asserting control doesn’t appeal. That concept of control, however, is, to my mind fundamental but at the same time concerning…let me try and explain:
A quick google of the dictionary definition of “domination” comes back with someone who “has power and influence over others”, but I think in the “scene”, as it were, it’s morphed into more than that and the concept of “Domme” has its own identity but there’s a lot of room for variation. A humiliatrix, for example would also identify as a Domme (most likely), but one can identify as a Domme without resorting to humiliation. The core concept at the centre of this definition is that of control – the assumption being that the Dominant party has the control.
Think about this for a moment, though. I think there’s a disparity between the fantasy and the reality of the situation – not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but it’s worth bearing in mind. If we assume that control is central to the D/s dynamic then I would argue that it is the submissive that essentially has the ultimate control as they always retain the absolute right to say no/decline what is asked of them. I’m not saying they’d necessarily act on this (especially in the hands of an experienced Domme who they trust) but fundamentally, at a basic level they are in possession of that control.
So if a Domme is not in full control of a situation then what sets her apart as a Domme? Again, this is my subjective view but I would suggest that it is self-awareness, confidence and an awareness of responsibility. I’d always recommend staying away from people who are loud/bossy/obnoxious – in my experience the more that someone tries to continually tell you they’re “in control” the less they actually are (often of themselves, let alone the situation). You want to look out for the quieter, self-assured ones. The ones who don’t have to tell you that they’re in control of their own situation because they make it clear by their actions rather than their words. No one can always 100% control themselves or their situation, but the quiet, self assured confidence that the more experienced Dommes bask in is more often than not the “real deal”. It’s not so much about exerting control as it is about gaining trust and respect. If you trust and respect someone and you’re naturally of a submissive nature then you’re more likely to do what they ask of you. A good Domme (to my mind) will know that they are worthy of respect, but will also be aware they they have a responsibility towards those that serve them.
As a Domme you are responsible for your submissive’s physical and emotional well-being. You need to take responsibility for when and how far you can push their boundaries without breaking them. You need to be there to support them and you always need to respect them and their right to say no at any time. It is (and should be) a big deal and a big commitment. It should be a pleasurable experience for both parties, but the Domme also has to account for a lot of additional responsibilities that the submissive doesn’t and a good Domme will take this into account. They won’t be selfish or continually demanding. They won’t make it always about them. Elements of the aforementioned may be incorporated, depending on the dynamics of the relationship (just like incorporation of physical pain through whipping, etc, may contribute to the sub’s well-being) – that’s an issue between two consenting adults. My point is that there is a balance that needs to be found to ensure that both parties are getting what they need out of the relationship and that neither is being taken advantage of – and that balance can be tricky to accomplish.
A lot of Pro Domme’s to my mind offer the illusion of control – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, I want to make that explicitly clear – but there are deeper and more fundamental dynamics around respect and trust which I feel are often overlooked in favor of the concept of “control” and what I wanted to do with this blog was just to work out some thoughts that have been rumbling around my head for a while. As I am not in the D/s scene (one can be an erotic hypnotist without being a Domme) I fully admit I may have missed out some things/misunderstood others. I’m not averse to amending my opinions if I discover I’m wrong. I’d love to hear your thoughts so please feel free to leave a comment below!
I know I’ve been very quiet the last few months and I apologise. Life has thrown me more than a few curveballs and I’ve been focusing on pushing through those. The result, however, is that my involvement in hypnosis has lessened and this is something I am aiming to rectify! I love what I do and I really want to make an effort to “get back in the game” as it were and carry on enjoying doing what I love.
I had been holding off for the past few weeks, telling myself I would wait until everything had settled down and I could totally apply myself. It’s becoming increasingly apparent however that 2016 is not going to be a calm, problem-free year so I’ve decided to just bite the bullet, jump in and get back to focusing as much as I can on hypnosis. I may not be as consistently available as I would like, but I am hoping once things settle down that will improve. In the meantime, you can always reach out to me via email or Twitter and I will be happy to respond.
I have a lot of plans I want to put into action, and although it may take me a little longer than originally planned, rest assured I am still working on developing new recordings and other ways to allow me to enjoy sharing hypnosis with you.
Disclaimer: Before you start reading please bear in mind that when i started writing, the article below was not the article I had intended to write…what you see below is simply the result of free-flowing inspiration, borne of a desire to share with you what I do, how I do it and why. From a literary perspective it is not perfect – it may not “flow” as pleasantly as it should, but it is a good reflection of what it is. A genuine, raw, naked (metaphorically speaking) insight into my mind and how I work. I am flawed, I don’t always think or behave logically, but I am passionate – I genuinely love what I do and I really hope that passion comes across in what you read below. Also, FYI – some of the themes discussed below are of an adult nature, so if you are under 18 or of a sensitive disposition then please stop reading now and direct your attention elsewhere. That is all 🙂
I have always worked one-on-one with people and taken great delight in tailoring my approach to their unique circumstances. The medium may change – working face to face, over the phone, via text, etc, but the unique, individualised approach always remained consistent. I love the flexibility and creativity…how it encourages me to think on my feet and keep my mind sharp.
Working this way is a skill which took a number of years to hone…for the longest time after I started I merely danced around variations of the progressive muscle relaxation technique, initially only adapting it as required and preferring to stay on safe ground. It was simple, straightforward and effective but the approach lacked the originality and creativity which I craved and it was this desire that led me to push myself and develop my own unique style. I studied people, I took risks and most importantly I learned.
Of course, the more I learned, the more confident I became and my inductions became more imaginative and creative as a result. I became less afraid to try new things…to experiment and to see where paths would lead and what I would discover. Experimenting became fun, and I would challenge myself to regularly create new inductions on the spot. These proved to be immensely fun and also incredibly effective. Sometimes too effective in fact. There were instances where I unintentionally managed to hypnotise people just by talking to them (the slowed speech, distant gaze and increased compliance to suggestions are all big giveaways!), but as someone who is emphatically focused on ethics, this unintentional hypnosis made me very uncomfortable. As a result I have been much more careful to consider my words around people who I feel may be particularly talented at enjoying trance.
I developed a knack for being able to work with people who, for whatever reason believed that they would struggle to enjoy trance (or already had). I got a real kick out of hypnotising sceptics and absolutely loved seeing the look of surprise on their faces when they realised it had worked – they had been hypnotised! I also worked with people who were curious about hypnosis but had never tried it. Again, the look of surprise and wonderment as they tried to wrap their minds around what had happened, as well as the pleasure which spilled over even after the trance was finished…they loved it, and I loved the fact that I had been able to unlock that world for them.
Perhaps the most rewarding people to work with, however, were those that had attempted hypnosis, but had, for whatever reason, struggled. Many of them believed hypnosis worked. They just didn’t believe it would work for them. Man, the excuses I heard. “I can’t be hypnotised”. “Do you want to be?”, I’d ask them. “Yes, of course”, would come the reply. “But I can’t. People have already tried and they couldn’t do it”. At this point I smile and ask them three simple questions:
- Do you want to be hypnotised?
- Are you capable of following simple instructions?
- Will you give me honest feedback about what you’re experiencing so that I can tailor my approach specifically to you (after all, I have a lot of tools in my toolbox but they’re not all going to be the right fit).
If I get a “yes” to all three questions then I can, with confidence (a confidence borne from experience, I might add!) that I can hypnotise them. I’ll admit, my confidence is typically initially met with a little scepticism, but I know something they don’t – I am damn good at what I do and once I start using my hypnotic voice then trance is pretty much inevitable.
What typically follows is an interesting session – some realise they’re going under, some don’t realise until it’s too late…it doesn’t matter. I will have discussed with them beforehand what they are looking to get out of a session, what to expect…afterwards they’re usually still basking in the pleasurable afterglow of the trance experience, simultaneously pleased and perplexed at what happened and how.
Days or weeks pass and I get excited messages – “it’s worked”, they tell me in reference to the solution we worked on in trance to help them resolve whatever problem they had been encountering. I worked on helping people with everything from insomnia to erectile dysfunction.
Simultaneously, I also dabbled in recreational and erotic hypnosis. It was a new kind of exploration for me and I enjoyed it. Turns out the guys (and yes, it was mostly men I worked with) also enjoyed it. Those that didn’t already know were amazed to discover that yes, it is possible to experience hands-free orgasms, although I do still laugh when I think about one guy who got genuinely mad that I hadn’t pre-warned him that he would cum more than usual (something which seems to be a fairly standard side effect of my erotic hypnosis sessions), and berated me for not warning him about the additional mess he would have to clean up. I am happy to report that he was a one-off and the general consensus has been pleasant surprise and appreciation of the side-effect.
My hypnosis journey has been somewhat of a meandering one. I do now intend to work professionally, and as such have paid-for recordings, but because my primary driver is my passion for hypnosis I am also making sure I focus on delivering free recordings, and offering insightful and interesting material where I can. The key is finding the balance – the more I earn from hypnosis, the more time I am able to dedicate to it. Being able to have that time to focus on what I am passionate is what drives me. Bottom line is, corny as it sounds I love being able to help people. Whether that is to help them overcome a problem in their life or enjoy a mindblowing orgasm is irrelevant to me – the fact is hypnosis is by far and away the most effective tool I have found to date to allow me to be able to do this. Plus it has the side effect of making the people you’re working with feel awesome. I mean, seriously – what’s not to love?
In summary, I hope this article has given you a big of an insight into me…into how I work, what I do and why. Like many things on my hypnosis journey I started out with the intention of writing something totally different (this article was meant to be an explanation of how I devise and compose hypnosis scripts to record – that article will, hopefully, be coming soon folks, so keep an eye out!). As such, it has turned into somewhat of a meander through my journey….thoughts thrown down like paint on a canvas. I can only hope that my “masterpiece” makes sense to you. If it doesn’t, or if you have any questions you can always get in touch with me by dropping me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or even better, follow/drop me a message on Twitter @British_Hypno – even if it is just to say hi 🙂